Let me rant to you for a minute.
Recently I read an article that I am not going to link to (it’s on XO Jane; I’m sure you can find it) wherein an anonymous woman spent many paragraphs freaking out that her boyfriend had just come out to her as bisexual. To paraphrase anon, she was worried that because he was bisexual he may want to have sex with men and leave her, or cheat on her, to do it.
I don’t understand this myth that if someone is bisexual, they are suddenly far more interested in sex with lots of people than someone who is monosexual. I see this myth repeated over and over by biphobic people. If a person is bisexual, they cannot possibly be safe to date. They might have different-gender cooties. Or something.
Look. Bisexuals do have some alarming statistics attached to them. They are at increased risk for suicide attempts as compared to their monosexual peers. Bisexual women are at increased risk of breast cancer, depression, and other diseases, and at least one study concluded that the reason may be that they are less likely to seek care due to stigma. The same study suggests that higher rates of STIs found in bisexual men are also likely caused by biphobia and stigma—people are less likely to seek needed medical testing and care and are less likely to disclose their history to their partners if they fear hatred and shunning as a result. However, try to tell a bigoted monosexual about this, and they’ll simply cluck their tongue and say that all bisexuals are dirty, crazy, and slutty.
Why is bisexuality so frightening to people? Bisexual people do not have a special lock on sleeping around. It isn’t like if you are attracted to more than one gender you suddenly become a raging sex beast who cannot stay monogamous. Further, monosexual people do not mate for life and remain solely attracted to their monogamous partner like geese (although this article suggests that monogamous geese may even stray a bit in their lifetimes).
Sexual attraction has no bearing on monogamy/non-monogamy. None. I don’t even see how they are related, so why do I keep encountering this belief that bisexual people are thirsty and more likely to cheat? That is not a statistic I found (quite the opposite, according to this piece). Like, just because I like all kinds of genitals on my partner, I see no reason I can’t commit to only those genitals as part of a monogamous agreement.
Also. Guys. Being monogamous is a fine choice, but it isn’t the only choice. I know that cheating is a thing, but there’s also this thing called consensual non-monogamy. If a person (mono or bisexual) wants to have more than one sexual relationship, that is OK as long as everyone involved is OK with it, too. Inside the biphobic bullshit is a deeply ingrained bias against non-monogamy (and this, I suspect, tracks back to our weird obsession/hatred of sexuality in general in our society). Sex is still a thing we cannot seem to get our minds around as natural, healthy, and important (unless it’s not those things for you, in which case definitely don’t do it). Society seems determined to force everyone into a one-size-fits-all sexual mentality, and that just doesn’t work for everyone. There’s no such thing as the right way to have sex, want sex, and view sex.
Bottom line: If your partner is bisexual and you’re afraid they will leave you because of it, let it go. You’re suffering from unacknowledged biphobia, not a cheating partner. Talk to your partner about your fears but do not make it a given that bisexual people cheat—make it the reality that you suffer from an endemic biphobia and you want to grow past it to be a better partner for your bisexual love. There’s no shame in acknowledging you’ve been a victim of society’s biases. I’ve been there, too. Just don’t blame your partner for it. It isn’t their fault.
And society? Stop being a dick.