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Can't Talk | September 16, 2019

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The Spectacular Whitey-Man

The Spectacular Whitey-Man
Justin

Welcome back guest writer Justin on the possible casting of Spiderman. In his words: It looks like our new Spider-Man has been revealed, and it’s more than likely another white dude–*intense vomiting and eye rolls*

Okay, I feel like I need to say this beforehand so someone doesn’t clog up my Twitter using this as evidence that I’m a racist, despite most of my friends being white and us literally having this conversation or some variant every other fucking week: I in no way have a problem with white guys being actors in Hollywood. They wanna act, sing or dance, that’s their thing, and I’m not going to throw knives at their heads until they give up and focus on political science to pick up girls or play Call of Duty or whatever. I’ve seen Asa Butterfield in Ender’s Game, and I thought he was one of the bright spots in that rather middling film. Taking this guy strictly off the stuff I’ve seen him in before, he’s good at what he does and if the reports are true and he is Peter, I’m sure he’ll be fine in the role. Okay? Okay.

Now with that said, I absolutely HATE that Peter Parker is (maybe) white again for the third time in a row. I think it’s a bad and frankly tone deaf move, a middle finger to people hoping for some diversity in the Marvel Cinematic Universe without waiting for Black Panther or Captain Marvel. I’ve been letting this stir around in my head for a while and have come to two reasons as to WHY this is a bad move:

It renders the reboot pointless. No seriously, think about it: it’s been said before that the Oscorp tower from Amazing 1 was “so close” to being added into Avengers 1. So we were close to having Amazing and Avengers be in the same backyard. Whatever you think about that franchise, Andrew Garfield wasn’t the problem. Frankly, he was the better Peter and Spidey, and he actually looked like a teenager in high school. But another white kid playing Peter in high school again renders the entire recasting, and Garfield’s contract being cut short, completely pointless. This would be like if Force Awakens recast Luke and Leia while Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher were in completely good health. And the replacements were in their 40s. And they never saw Star Wars.

For some reason, people are jerking themselves off blind because Peter will be in high school this time around, but I’m still not entirely sure why. High school wasn’t a complete pisser for me, but I’d rather sit through all the worst Family Guy episodes than go through high school again. I seriously have to ask, what is it that makes it so interesting that he’ll be in high school? Butterfield looks like a 10 year old and I doubt spider bites will suddenly grow him a mustache and a six pack. However, the high school thing ties nicely into my next point, which is…

A white Peter Parker just doesn’t make sense in 2015. Let’s chart Peter’s life up to, say, 2014. He’s a nerd in high school, yeah; he’s also got abs while still having an intellect that everyone keeps banging on about, has multiple relationships with beautiful women like Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy, meets the president, and literally has his own company. When you get right down to it, Peter Parker is probably so popular because he’s the ultimate white male nerd dream, and white nerd dudes have basically anything they can ask for at this point; hell, not only did they get that massive Spider-Verse event comic (that basically concluded Peter Parker is the most coolest and best Spider-Man of all time across all universes), Marvel fucking gave white dude nerds everywhere their dream Avengers movie a few weeks ago (and that continues to make more money that Amiibo shipments that come with free black tar heroin).

Lemme ask a question for you all: what is it about Peter Parker that instantly demands he be white? I ask this because, aside from maybe some stuff related to Aunt May or Uncle Ben, I straight up cannot think of a reason that isn’t either racism or just plain ignorance. Before anyone comes in with, “they selected the best actor for the role,” I’d like to personally tell you to fuck off, and here’s why: if news came out about say, Iron Fist being played by anyone not white, none of you motherfucking fanboys would be going on about “best actor for the role.” I know this, because not only did you keep your mouths shut when that goddamn Exodus movie came out, but you practically jumped up Michael B. Jordan’s ass when he was announced for Human Torch in the Fantastic Four reboot. Also in that same vein, anyone that jumps in with “oh, I guess that makes it okay to turn Black Panther white,” I will again tell you to fuck off, because being black is a significant part of T’Challa’s culture and who he is.

Again, taking Butterfield in a bubble, he’s a good actor and I’m sure he’ll be good in this (if he is in this). Peter being white again doesn’t just feel pointless when taking the previous Spider-Man actors into account, it feels like a massive “fuck you” to anyone hoping for some change in the MCU. Yeah, Black Panther and Captain Marvel are still coming out, WE KNOW; but pushing them to the side for yet another solo movie with a white dude is just all sorts of fucked. “Hey, we know we’ve been kinda beating you over the head with the snarky white dudes, but we’ve got films planned for a black dude and a woman! Just, y’know, after this film about a snarky white dude in high school!” Even taking the future MCU films out of this, can’t we move on from Peter Parker? We’ve had five films, dozens of games, and something like 10 shows with the snarky jagoff at this point. We don’t need any more Peter Parker, I could step on a rock and probably find more Peter Parker. Don’t we deserve something different at this point?

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