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Bell’s Year: 2014 In Review

Bell’s Year: 2014 In Review
Bell
  • On December 31, 2014

It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m lazy, so let’s review the past year!

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

I started calling my work here at Can’t Talk my job. I still get a little eye-rolly when I say it because there’s part of me that can’t get past the part where I’m not getting paid for it, but it is work and I take pride in it.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t do resolutions. It’s like setting a timer on failure. If I wanted to get in shape or spend less money or finally write my book, I’d be doing it. I already feel shame over those things– why make it worse?

3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?

Curled up on the couch watching a movie with my kids, most likely. Or playing Dragon Age.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My best friend’s father. We didn’t see each other more than every few years, but he was a very good man. (This is the kind of question that always screws me, because I forget someone and then people get angry and hurt. So if I forgot someone, I’m sorry. I just have a really shitty memory and a poor concept of time.)

5. What countries did you visit?

Canada!

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?

A paycheck? I would really like to get paid for writing, but that’s something I have to make happen for myself. No one’s going to randomly send me money for writing things. Unless someone wants to do that. I’m totally willing to accept your dollars. Just saying.

7. What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Dates don’t get etched on my memory unless something really horrible happens that day, so thankfully none.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?

I did things that made me feel really uncomfortable, like walking in the cosplay parade at PAX and (also at PAX) interviewing developers like a real grown-up writer.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The cosplay parade at PAX jumps to mind. I got up there and totally froze. I’m still embarrassed about it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Other than a bout of bronchitis that lasted a month, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A Playstation 4. I didn’t really want to spend the money, but my friends had all jumped off that bridge and I no longer had anyone to play with so I sucked it up and bought one. Just the ability to share screencaps on Twitter and post videos directly to YouTube has made it worthwhile.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Can’t Talk and travel.

13. What song will always remind you of 2014?

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sitting in silence. Doesn’t that sound odd? But I fill every moment of my time with doing: reading, writing, gaming, Twitter… I need more time to be. To remember I exist.

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Twitter. I love having constant contact with people who I connect with and I love that Twitter allows me to find those people, but I spend so much time there that I find myself not doing anything else. And that’s a problem.

16. What was your favorite TV program?

RuPaul’s Drag Race.

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Does Blackwall from Dragon Age: Inquisition count? Because other than that, no. I can be an asshole, but I try to be a compassionate asshole. Hatred doesn’t leave room for compassion. I can’t think of any real person that I hate.

18. What was the best book you read?

The Last Hero by Terry Pratchett. The book’s about the struggle against the unfairness of getting old, and it hit me in a soft place.

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Passenger.

 

And a bonus video, because this song makes me laugh.

 

20. What was your favorite film of this year?

Not Gone Girl, that’s for damn sure.

Probably Guardians of the Galaxy. Excepting the gut-punch of an intro, it was light and goofy. That’s my favorite kind of movie. There’s enough darkness in the world; I want my media to make me laugh.

21. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

36, and if I remember correctly I stayed home and vegetated. That’s my favorite thing to do. Someone else did the dishes. It was amazing.

22. What kept you sane?

Medication and therapy.

23. Who did you miss?

My grandparents, as bitterly as ever. Before I lost them I thought grief was a thing that faded into nothingness and that eventually I would stop missing them. I was wrong. Grief softens, it gets more comfortable, but it doesn’t go away. I’m okay with that. It just tells me that I had something very special with them.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned.

…Yeah, I’ve got nothing. I can’t say that I’ve made it through this year unchanged; it’s been a rough one in a lot of ways. I see myself a little more clearly than I did, and I’m learning to make room for other people better than I have. I’m starting to really appreciate how much strength comes from being compassionate.

25. What does 2015 hold for me?

Fuck if I know. Probably some really cool shit and some really fucked up shit. Probably some mania and some depression and some bad decisions regarding my medication and whether I REALLY need it, because that’s a thing I do every so often.

I’ll probably fight with my husband and my kids and my best friend and say things that are hurtful and get my feelings hurt. I’ll do stuff that I’m proud of and do things I’ll be ashamed to remember.

I know what I want to happen. I know what I’m afraid will happen. If I could see into the future, I wouldn’t look. I’ll take my joy where I find it and wade through the hard times when they come.

 

Image courtesy Dennis Skley (https://www.flickr.com/photos/dskley/) under CC by-nd 2.0

 

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